Achievement...?

There is something oddly addicting about achievement, or rather having achievement. Seems to me that it is in human nature to want to achieve more once there is some achievement, but to not to want to achieve anything when nothing is achieved.

Yes, let me explain.

Have you ever just had one of those days when everything should be going so right and so perfectly, that the smallest errors of the world that drives you insane. That is such a strong component of my character, it disturbs me to admit. When I find myself having such success and well being, is rarely is as satisfactory as it seems. So then what? I seek for more! More perfection, more success and more overachieving! In fact, overachieving? No such thing! It is preposterous that I could ever overachieve.

Impossible you say? Well let me tell you, it is possible when one never has expectations for oneself to begin with. People say hope is all we have, ever since the days of ancient Greek mythology's Pandora. But no, I find it not so. When an expectation is achieved, it was expected. A brief feeling of credibility may dash through our moods, but never full satisfaction. However even more likely, disappointment is the outcome from having expectations. So for myself, someone with little to no conscious expectations of myself achieves something, I want more. Why did I not achieve more than I did? Was that my best capacity?

How hypocritical, I expect too much from myself subconsciously.

The more deadly spiral is when nothing is achieved. The hardest thing to do is perhaps to consciously expect something from oneself. Perhaps it is a matter of pride, but why try something that just seems so far away. Though it may not actually be, why try when it seems so?

It is the easiest thing to fall into greed, perhaps even more so into sloth. Sometimes all my complaints in life can be categorized by the seven cardinal sins. Always been a sucker for neo-classical things. Hm, maybe that's the structuralist in me talking. Thank you Ms. Roach.